A Moment Like This

Yesterday, I got to go into The Ohio State College of Medicine cadaver lab with my neuroscience class. So cool and so fun! I held and observed brains, spinal cords and dissections. Our cadaver had been dead since 2001, but the dissection planes were perfectly preserved. I could have easily spent all day in there.

A friend sent this photo to me shortly after I had gotten out of lab and told her about my experience. It literally takes the words right out of my mouth. During my senior year of high school, I had the opportunity to visit the morgue with my medical vocational proIMG_3227gram. We got to hold organs that had been removed for an autopsy. I had loved every second of it but was more interested in jumping right in and learning the structures and functions of everything. I wanted to know everything and see everything. Yesterday, when I had held the brain, it was different. I knew the structures already and could just appreciate the brain for what it was. I held it and stared at it and was completely amazed at how a lump of squishy, squiggly mush controls us. It doesn’t look any different from anyone else’s on the outside, but somewhere on the inside it’s completely unique to each one of us. I was holding the essence of what used to be a person; what was once their likes, dislikes, thoughts, fears, ideas, secrets, addictions, etc. was sitting in my hands.

The classes may be hard, really hard. I might have to study every day and sacrifice going out with my friends sometimes. Tuition may be expensive and I might have to sell my car or not get the newest phone update. But moments like this completely make up for all of that. I would much rather work hard now and have a job that I love and feel ecstatic and amazed like that for the rest of my life. Why do I want to be a doctor? For moments like this.


What If

There’s this person in my head. She is brilliant, capable. She can do chest tubes and craniums. She can run a code without freaking out. She’s a really good surgeon, maybe even a great surgeon. She’s me, only so much better and I’m afraid I’ll never become this person because something keeps getting in the way.

-Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy, S4E14

Another Grey’s Anatomy reference, but this one is so unbelievably true I had to post it. It took the words right out of my mouth. Because it’s one of my greatest fears every day.

Part of me feels good and on top of the game and invincible, but there is an equally large part of myself that dares to wonder ‘what if’. What if I don’t make it? What if I’m not the best? What if everything was actually for nothing? What if my best still isn’t good enough? What if I’m left with nothing?

Some days, fear propels me to succeed just as much as my love of medicine does.

Be The Match

Today I found out that I’m a possible bone marrow match for a patient. Initially upon seeing the email, I expected to feel nervous, but I was actually really, really excited. I joined the National Bone Marrow Registry on 4/19/15. It takes about two months to receive and blood type your DNA. I was officially in the system on June 25. Less than two weeks later and I’m a possible match. 

I hope I end up being a complete match for the patient. As anxious/nervous/excited as I am to potentially the procedure, the thought of being able to help someone and save their life outweighs that. It’s nice to know that I don’t have to wait another 7 years until I become a doctor to begin helping save lives. 

I definitely encourage people to consider joining the registry! Visit bethematch.org for more information.